First Post

So where to start, I've never blogged before, but I just happened across a few on here that really brought me back to the confusion and hurt of my youth, not that it's all gone yet :), and I just thought that I could tell a bit of my story, and if anyone found it interesting, helpful, or whatever, than it would be a good thing. Everyone needs support, esp us, and I know growing up being pretty much totally in the closet I didn’t have any, and it sucked.


A bit about me - I guess you could call me a bit of a contradiction; I'm Baptist, conservative, and yes gay. Growing up in a very religious house made it more than difficult for me knowing that I had these feelings but also knowing that everything I have been taught was telling me that it's wrong. I didn’t have many friends because I was afraid that if they got to know me that somehow they would find out and then the gig's up. Not that I act or seem "gay" quite the contrary, it's a skill I mastered over the years, anyone that I’ve told pretty much had no clue at all that I was gay. The first person I told was my mom, and I will never forget that afternoon as long as I live. I had started to see a few guys casually and still living at home, so obviously I was getting questions as to where I was going, what did I do last night, etc, and it was becoming so difficult to continue to lie and sneak around on my folks. I had been fighting with the decision to come out for a long time, and really I thought I would wait for the "perfect" opportunity, but in reality there never is any perfect time or occasion to do it. I asked my mom out for lunch and we had a very quiet meal, me going over in my head what I would say and my mom wondering why I was so unusually quiet. When the bill comes I finally start to talk and I basically blurt out that I have been going out to meet people on dates, but that I wasn’t seeing girls, my mom had this very confused look, so I continued, I was seeing guys. The look on her face is embedded into my memory; it was like someone just punched her in the stomach, like she was forced to watch a group of people beat up her youngest son. She was quiet for a bit, and then asked what do you mean, are you saying that you're gay? I of course responded yes mom, for the first time she really didn’t know what to say or do. We just got up and left and went back to our cars, we get there and the only thing she says is, well you know what God says about this, I just responded back that this is how he made me and that I prefer to think that he loves all his children regardless. She just got in her car and left.

So that was my first "coming out" experience, just thinking back about it still gets very pretty emotional even to this day, she of course eventually came around, just the initial shock of it all. Now my dad, that was a very different experience, but i'll save that for another time.

I'm a total scatterbrain right now, so I’m gonna wrap my first post up, thanks for reading guys, hope everyone has a great day !